Judgment, Visibility, & Feminine Energy : Online Dating

Recently I attended an event in which a group of amazing spiritual women all came together for a day of good conversation and community. As thoughts and feelings were shared, the conversation turned to romantic love, dating, and courtship. 

In addition to myself, there were three other women present who were also married.  Let me say, I don’t believe it takes marriage or any conventional concept of partnering to be in a beautiful union, it’s just the path Andrew and I choose.

I met Andrew, my now husband,  online and anyone who has ever checked out online dating knows there is a lot of garbage in the dating pool. The app that I met Andrew on should really be called unhinged instead of Hinged.  Anyway, as we were circled up at our women’s gathering someone in the group asked me where I met my husband. As I began to tell them, one of the women pointed out she felt online dating was “pursuing”  or “doing”  and more “masculine not in feminine energy”. Furthermore, they stated that we are supposed to attract or magnetize what we want and online dating wasn't doing that. A few more things were said, but you get the gist. And absolutely no shade to this person or differing opinions- it was an amazing moment of clarity, teaching, realization.

A couple of things crossed my mind as I sat in the group. The first being, I don’t view being in masculine energy as an undesirable thing. In my business practices, I'm in my masculine energy. When I'm lifting weights and moving that energy through me that I hold for others, you could say I'm masculine energy.  As I'm with  my clients I'm actively switching between guiding and brain retraining and receiving all the information clients give me and decoding it mind, body and spirit. I don't view it as an undesirable thing to be able to switch between the doing and the receiving/ being. I actually find it necessary and vital for the world and for its healing. To me it's energy, not a box. However, I can see how in dating it could be advantageous to be in our divine feminine energy if that is the energy we feel most comfortable in. I can absolutely honor and respect a fellow attendee’s view and yet say that I’m not sure I agree that online dating or modern dating is mutually exclusive with  “masculine energy”  or that online dating is “too much doing”. Regardless of opinion, it really worked out for me. I'm so blessed and still in awe of the relationship that has been magnetized to me. I also believe that the process of having to “put myself out there” in dating was a small part of healing a generational visibility wound and part of my learning to open my heart again to aligned romantic love.

 It would be precious for Andrew and I to talk about a love story that happened “organically”, as some call it. How cute would it be to say our love for dogs and romantic love blossomed at the dog park or something, but that was not in the cards for us- nor was it needed. I’m so moved and grateful thinking about the way the universe conspired and found a way to bring Andrew and I together, especially during a time when the dating pool and culture was more like murky, dark waters.

 I also have a lot of love for my past self / younger self that did so much inner work following a few challenging relationships. I’m grateful and proud that I had the confidence  to open myself up and unapologetically be seen, even if it was on a dating app. All the love around me in my single girl era has grown and multiplied and the risk was absolutely worth the reward.  

I'm also so aware of how in that moment I could have allowed someone else's trigger or judgment to actually offend me - how funny is that? I have to give a nod to my inner teenager and gratitude for the healing that took place around judgment in my life.  In my opinion, whether we are the ones casting judgment  or being outwardly judged, in person or online, it encourages introspection. When we judge or fail to lead with empathy, with ourselves or others, it could be a call to reflect on our own material as it is often indicative of insecurities or unresolved emotional wounds and creates a barrier to genuine connection that most humans need for spiritual growth and development. Visibility often requires vulnerability and unattachment to perfectionism.  Sharing our true selves can be daunting, but it is seemingly more and more  essential for  growth and manifestation, so whether you are working on visibility online for a business, dating or whatever – let this be your sign!

While online dating is absolutely not right for everyone, I can’t be mad at it and I can’t agree that it is all masculine energy in my case. Did I fill in my info and photos on the site, yes. Could that be considered “doing energy” or masculine- sure, why not.   It was also without a doubt a tool used by the universe, to sharpen my intuitive senses while teaching me to trust my gut and my inner knowing. The process taught me lessons and allowed me to realize how far I had come with my own healing, especially with boundaries, judgment, confidence, and stillness. The universe was teaching me and simultaneously protecting me.

 In the most unexpected ways, navigating the modern dating world showed me how I was tuning in and turning up, and magnifying the volume of my inner oracle. 

We all know, this learning can take place with just about anything in life, so don’t mistake this blog post as advocating for or against online dating. It’s simply highlighting how important it is to be your own guru and understand, without judgement, that everyone’s path and experience can be different and yet equally meaningful, allowing us to arrive at the same spiritual conclusions. I personally feel like the paths and journeys are different by design.  There is no doubt that we are all life long learners.  At this phase of life I'm learning how to be a bridge.  Not just bridging earth to cosmos (as we all are), but how to bridge the modern aspects,  like online dating, with connectedness, consciousness and the divine. Sitting in that group of  women that day gave me such immense gratitude for the ability to gather in community, gain perspective, inspiration, and celebrate the differences of our lessons. 

Let this be your reminder today, we each possess a great power to change our corner of  the world and this may best be done by releasing our attachment to judgment, embarrassment and embracing the vulnerability of authenticity and self reflection as we all work to raise our individual awareness and  together to raise the vibration of the planet.

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