And a few what the F&3$ moments...
Please know as I set up this post, I am aware none of this is new, groundbreaking, or revelational information ----it’s simply sharing a few of the ways lessons showed up in my life. I hope this gives you a few giggles and maybe some insight as it's for entertainment purposes only.
In my last post I talked about dating and love. This got me thinking about all the spiritual lessons my path brought me prior to Andrew, my now hubs, being in my life.
My single girl era really started in 2021; despite the fact I filed for divorce in 2019. I feel like the relationship that I (far to quickly) jumped into in 2019 is its own post. There was so much learning there. Can you see that train wreak coming lol?
Anyway, in 2021 I was single after I ended a horrible- on again, off again relationship. I started doubling down on my yoga practices and really felt myself shifting spiritually as I recovered from the abuse of that relationship. I started putting all the pieces together and I was so committed to growing, learning, and healing. I also felt like I had walked away from most friendships and ways of being that had existed in my life at that point. The universe brought me friends that were for a reason and season, and I would soon find that would be the case in romantic love as well.
Looking back at my first connection in my single girl era, I just shake my head.......anyone have cringe moments like this? What I allowed regarding the way I was treated was truly laughable. I (re)learned the definition of bare minimum. There was zero emotional intelligence and genuine effort put forth in this connection and I sure as hell wasn't going to chase, so we can see my past wounding fueling the fact I even entertained this person. I remember talking about my interest in travel blogs and how cool it would be to have one and he gave me an order that I would not have one and would not even try............ummm rude lol. At this point in our relationship, we had only known each other 2 or so months. He didn't even know me well enough to have an opinion on what I was or was not capable of and what I "was going to do". This really should have been my sign, but I'll cut my past self a break. I was picking my confidence up off the floor at this phase in life.
Fast-forward we are in Tulum, and I handed him my ID to hold, and he looks at my ID photo, height, and weight and makes horrible comments about the weight listed on the ID. We have an exchange of words, and he ends his statement with, "no one likes a fatty". Any shred of respect I could have had for this man was gone. In that moment I realized that as our relationship progressed, he was getting more and more comfortable making disparaging and hurtful comments to me. Intentionally, consciously or not, I saw how these constant and even small criticisms, and "jokes" at times, could be his need and desire (possibility subconscious) to control and manipulate the situation, me, and avoid any accountability. I could start to feel his fear of being judged by others including me --- the person he was criticizing (projection much?) . I started to notice how when I talked about something I loved, it would anger him. Energetically, it felt like he was stunting my growth and if I was not confident or secure, maybe he thought I would accept less...... Less time, less respect, just less. I can remember being on plane with him leaving Tulum thinking, "God get me off this metal tube with this man before I scream". There was no amount of talking it through and telling him how I felt that changed his behavior- nor did he care. Some people hear exactly what you are saying but just don't care or plan on modifying their behavior. It was time to meet the universe halfway and chose myself. It was time to truly to act on that saying that goes, " we release what no longer serves us". Call it protecting my inner child, healing, choosing myself. Whatever it was, the best way to be kind to this person was from afar and with zero contact.
Now looking back, it’s easy to see his behavior was a projection of his own insecurity. If he had to put women down to feel like he could feel confident in union and with someone staying with him....ekk. Not for me. I vividly recall journaling, "I've been down this road before in different ways, I'm really not interested". I was so frustrated that many of the people I was encountering couldn't just let women be.....be themselves, be passionate about things, be happy, or healthy. It was like a crime that shed more light on their insecurity or mirrored places in them that needed attention and work in their own life-- so they cut others down. At that time in his life, ole boy was not equipped to be the kind of emotionally healthy man that I desired.
The last evening we spent in Tulum, I felt my metal Archangel Michael necklace burning my skin, despite the entire day of cloudy skies. This relationship was very short lived. Should we call this the trial run relationship lol? He messaged me in 2023 after I got engaged to Andrew asking if I was married yet......*cue eye roll. What gross behavior.
The Lessons:
-Don't let people that don't know you and may not have your best interest at heart have an opinion about your character or capabilities. In my case, ole boy was literally new here-----new to my life and new to the idea of any kind of emotional intelligence.
-Some people want to occupy the role of partner, but they are not real partners. They hear what you say, they just don't care. Words not matching actions is emotionally unattractive. This was such a good example of mirroring that we talk about in spiritual circles. This is also not fear mongering - this is saying, friend, you deserve better than bare minimum.
-My lessons in this connection also included a reminder that all relationships lead back to ourselves and that self- doubt and questioning is part of the human experience and with a little self- assessment, reflection and lots of self-compassion, we can shed these unhelpful core beliefs.
After this experience, I still had a lot of fun dating -like I said, the universe brought me 2 new friends that shared jokes and laughs, events, and dinners with. Other friends faded away and I also begin to really cherish my friend, Faith, who I met in our college days. She is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She was also the best example of a healthy marriage I had at the time. Pro tip --to all my girlies in the dating world, when you can, hang out with you happily married friends - step into the energy of joy knowing its possible and real. Faith's husband, Frank, often joined our "girl gang" nights and really listened to the thoughts and opinions of all the women there and was as much of a hype girl as any of us. I adore them both as individuals and as a couple. Faith has increased the abundance and joy in Frank's life and unintentionally helped him heal in so many ways. Their loyalty to each other, to me, and the rest of our friends is and was so beautiful, especially when I was facing a lot of single shaming from my extended family.
As my single girl era continued It felt like the volume of sensitivity and connection to the divine was turning up, as my friend Leigh Ann says. This continued in various ways, like the first time I started talking to a guy in Texas via text and I could feel his worry and sadness about something with family. Well of course I asked despite knowing this person for less than a week. Turns out his grandmother received a diagnosis that day. I couldn’t believe I trusted myself and went for it in that convo - I expected to be wrong. I expected for him to think I was such a werido and it only got more strange and cool. My friends and I started joking that we were just getting weirder and hotter to hype each other up. At this point, none of them were surprised when I would text asking if they were okay because I got a feeling. I don’t say any of this thinking it’s special or unique- only to demonstrate how we can all use these tools even in the most mundane and normal situations like dating and friendship. This was definitely one of my lessons- trust yourself, the vibes you get, and not be afraid to be wrong or bad at something- like that one time I was really bad at bike riding and drove a bike into a ditch on a date -- fun stuff.
In the beginning of the 2022, I briefly dated this guy and there was so much going on spiritually in that connection. I feel like as much of a lesson as it was for me it, it was on my path to help him.... and not in a “project” kinda way- that’s just unhealthy . I didn’t know he “needed help” going into it. I just happened to be there and could help him. I’m still learning about soul contracts so who knows maybe it was that?
This person had lost an immediate family member a few years before, and this caused a tremendous amount of grief and as we know grief brings up a-lot of unresolved stuff. This person was unknowingly pretty tapped in spiritually and this initially started our friendship and connection. I showed him how to sage his house, because the energy of the house-- was wacky and as we got to one part of the house, the smoke from the sage bundle started to turn purple. I sat down and heard his deceased family member say “thank you”. As he started to feel his family member more, I connected him with my friend Leigh Ann, the medium, who allowed him to communicate with his family member and enter into new layer of healing for him.
I have so empathy for him, the trauma he endured, and this experience (side note I would go on to bury my father on August 8th of that year). Despite the abundance of empathy present then, I had learned that empathy without boundaries is self-destruction. We were in different places on our journey. The anger and rage present in him would often become directed at me for no reason. There were moments and various instances, I could feel the joy being eliminated from space while in his presence - like a cold heaviness. Also waves of anxiety and uneasiness would come out of nowhere - again the volume on the energy was turning up. I should have seen it as the sign it was. When I went back to look at my journal for this post, I wrote that after a few weeks of meeting him, I realized he was the guy in a dream I had months prior. In the dream, I was panicked because I was expected to marry this person and I didn’t want to. He looked a little different in my dream, his hair was darker and he was thinner. I also wrote in my journal that on our first date, as I got in the car to drive home that night I heard “don’t fall in love with this man” - that probably should have been my sign to just cut run in that moment, but you know, those dang lessons. And I DID listen to this divine guidance. I spent a few months with this person, but I saw what I needed to and knew when to leave. He had actually told me one day about a month before the ending of our relationship that during his meditation he saw me walking away from him. Again, maybe I should have taken that as I sign, but we all show up in unions with our own emotional wounds and conditioning that fuel the discrepancies in life goals, values, or emotional availability that can lead to diverging paths. This was absolutely the case in this connection.
Lessons: I feel like trusting myself and trusting the information I was given was highlighted as a lesson. It was also helping me master boundaries, even energetically and find my voice. The connection required some cord cutting and I could feel my peace and joy and zest increasing. I was pretty protective of my peace and space in my single girl era and I'm thankful I was.
As I sat in Leigh Anne’s, office in Aug of 2022, she connected me to my grandparents and she and I talked about my dad (he was days from crossing over). We were wrapping up the mediumship session and I remember telling her, "I think I'm done dating. I'm not having fun anymore". I was ready to close that chapter of my life. She instantly pickup up this was a fear response, fear of standing by what I really desired....healthy love. It was almost if I said I didn't care or want it, I wouldn't be disappointed. I also had this idea I needed to be completely unattached to this desire to have it manifest itself in my life. Really I was just putting up a wall and blocking. She told me not to write men off so quickly and despite her not being into predicting the future, she did see me with someone after my father crossed over. I energetically opened myself up to healthy romantic love and even turned on my dating profile. I matched with Andrew the following month. Andrew swears it was September 1st 2022 and we met in-person on Sept 11th 2022. When I matched with Andrew, despite our other matches, I had a really good feeling about him. Recently, Andrew told me he canceled his other dates after we met. We met for coffee one Sunday and ended up deciding to have dinner together. We were married on 2/12/24 in Sedona, Arizona. My dad was clearly present in spirit that day.
As I look over at this incredible man next to me today, I’m so thankful. There is an abundance of light and warmth around Andrew and I’m blessed. There are still moments I feel like I have to pinch myself. There was a time when I didn’t know what love could feel like - I only knew what it wasn’t. I had to unlearn the feeling of being undeserving of love this genuine. Even in a healthy union, I had to learn to get comfortable and when to shift out of observation mode and into feeling and integration. Andrew was so consistent and steady. If you have ever been around him you know he has really great, grounded energy. Subconsciously, he just did his thing and was himself while I figured out he was the real deal. I always felt his goodness - but you know fear and relationship trauma is a b@&$ lol. We are learning and growing together each day.
I know he and I both had individual lessons we had to go through and healing to do in order to meet and be the partners we are. Writing this I wondered if all the connections before Andrew were "unaligned" connections. I feel like unaligned is relative. Could I have learned those lessons in different ways? Maybe so. There is free will at play also. Maybe you wonder the same thing about various events in your life? I really believe love is available to us at all stages of our soul development and romantic love is available as well, but it doesn't mean it’s healthy, remains healthy, or that a relationship will be with us for the duration of this life time. I'm starting to get the feeling there is aligned lessons within relationships and maybe less categories of being "aligned" or "unaligned", because of freewill? Maybe it’s just important for us to know and learn when to shift, when to pivot, and to master the lessons and find balance. Maybe its less important to categorize them. I'd love to know your thoughts on this.....I have so many questions. When I asked AI to give me a closing paragraph about paths and journeys, it gave me a beautiful sounding sentence about tapestry of spiritual lessons......I feel like mine was more like a quirky patchwork quilt with lots of help from the divine lol.
Anyway,
If you have made it this far, thank you for reading and being here. As if I didn’t totally over share in this post, you can learn more about me here and I hope you join the fun and sign up for our newsletter to stay up to date on our retreats, posts, and events.
-Whitney from Luna Souls
